The Pros and Cons of Being on Unemployment

I have lived as an unemployed young person on social welfare for the past few years, so I thought I’d share what the experience is like for anyone who is curious.

 

The Pros:

  • More time to do the things you love, like cry
  • No answering to The Man
  • More time to hang out with your friends who are always in work when you want to hang out
  • You get to call employed people ‘wagies’
  • Feels good using other people’s tax money to buy stupid shit like this life-size cutout of Danny Devito
  • Lots of freedom to try out new activities and realise you’re terrible at everything
  • Free access to advice on how to get a job from baby boomers who got their jobs 20 years ago
  • You don’t need to look presentable so you can just stay in your natural state: homeless blobfish junkie
  • You get to stand in lines a lot at the post office and social welfare office  – this is great practice for the slow shuffle towards death
  • You get rejected a lot by potential employers  - this is great practice for all the women you’ll ever be interested in
  • At the social welfare office you can play a fun game: “who here looks like they want to stab me and/or steal my kidneys?”
  • If you feel so inclined, you can instantly make people feel uncomfortable by telling them how depressed you are that you can’t find a job

 

The Cons:

  • You don’t have a boss, so you’re your own boss, but your employee is just, like, the worst piece of shit
  • Very little money to spend on stupid shit like an army of life-size Danny Devito cutouts
  • Sometimes your thumb gets sore from scrolling through social media all day
  • You occasionally need to leave the house and the natural light burns your skin, like a lame vampire who was turned when they were hungover
  • Not being able to join in with your employed friends as they talk about how stupid customers are (that’s right, your anxiety was right, everyone that works in retail does it)
  • You have to come up with some other excuse as to why you can’t go somewhere (I’ve been ‘sick’ 36 times this year)

 

So as with everything in life, being unemployed has its positives and negatives. Thanks for reading.


luv u

Seán

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