Hey everyone! This is just a quick post to say that I recognise that I haven’t posted in a while, and to explain why. If you’re a follower of my blog, then you’ll know that I have depression, and this sometimes interferes with many aspects of my life, including writing.
You see, because of my *amazing* brain, I enter a cycle of:
[[Want to write blog post -> Get idea for blog post -> “No one wants to hear your thoughts on that” -> Get depressed -> Not want to write -> Consider deleting blog -> Get more depressed because I’m not writing -> Realise that I write for myself and that it makes me happy -> Write blog post -> Feel happy again]]
This cycle will repeat every so often, and not just for writing. I sometimes go weeks without seeing or talking to my friends for much the same reason – I get one negative thought in my head and it buries itself in my mind and persists. One little insecurity can slip in and stay there until something drives it out, or you do the thing anyway and realise that that thought was untrue, a lie invented by your mind to keep yourself in the comfortable blackness of depression.
This somewhat relates to the highs and lows that people with depression experience, which I touched upon in my last blog post. I feel that this is something that everyone goes through, however, and it’s sad because so much potential is wasted when we are too afraid of what others may think, have too much doubt in ourselves, to do something we enjoy. If something makes you happy or fulfilled, go ahead and do it – don’t doubt yourself, and don’t let fear of negative judgment prevent you from being happy.
Now I know all this, but depression and logic are bitter enemies, so this will probably happen to me again at some point. However I am feeling a lot happier than I have been the past few weeks, I have eleven whole days off work coming up, and although I am currently chugging Lemsips, I feel very optimistic in my ability to stay writing consistently! Thanks for reading, and expect the next post soon!
Sean (With a Fada)